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Donnie puts porn on the living room TV in Sean's house and the two boys share some half-hearted banter about Donnie's 'stache, comparing it to "Ed Sheeran's pubes" and the drug-dealer facial hair on Narcos. So, it's with a heavy heart that I report that The Package , a teen comedy about a group of friends who must transport their friend's severed member through a forest in a last ditch effort to reattach it to his body, is an underwhelming entry in this esteemed tradition of penis-centric punchlines. Ain't no chokin my neck, if you not protected You know hands carry infections I jacks my dick off Yo, yo, I jacks my dick off [Chorus] Off off no I don't want yo' pussy I jacks my dick off cause yo' shit is kinda funky I jacks my dick off come correct I jacks my dick off and maybe we can have a little sex I jacks my dick off have a little sex I beat my meat on the regular base I get tired of havin these stupid rats in my face Tellin me wait or, "It's not time, plus I'm on the menustration" All of this is aggravate Where's Ms. At least the actors look like they're having fun. I'll jacks my shit off. It's exactly the blend of "edgy" sexual material and "random" pop culture references that have become the defining language of the post-Apatow comedic landscape. There's nothing wrong with a good dick joke. More specifically, the act of chopping off a dick can work as a comedic premise. The warnings that this movie will be a bit of a chore arrive early. Unfortunately, the script, from writers Matt Mider and Kevin Burrows, which had the way less generic title The Eggplant Emoji when it was sold as a spec, feels like someone preserved a Superbad knock-off on ice in a cooler for a decade. Playing with a knife while he drunkenly pees off a cliff, Jeremy gets startled by his friends and accidentally slices his own appendage off. Daniel Doheny Netflix's Alex Strangelove stars as Sean, a well-meaning high-school theater nerd back from a semester spent in Germany, and he has a flustered, hysterical energy that helps sell some of the goofier high jinks. The aforementioned snake-biting scene is quite funny, and Viswanathan, who stole scenes in Blockers earlier this year, has a deadpan quality that often kills in this super-heightened context.

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Description: The main cast is relatively new to all this. As the four friends race to locate their friend, the dick gets puked on, bitten by a snake, sucked for venom removal, dropped in a toilet, and, in a particularly ludicrous twist, re-attached to a totally different guy, played by Blake Anderson, who also lost his penis. Daniel Doheny Netflix's Alex Strangelove stars as Sean, a well-meaning high-school theater nerd back from a semester spent in Germany, and he has a flustered, hysterical energy that helps sell some of the goofier high jinks. It's stupid, yes, but it's also very funny and builds to a larger satirical point. Ain't no chokin my neck, if you not protected You know hands carry infections I jacks my dick off Yo, yo, I jacks my dick off [Chorus] Off off no I don't want yo' pussy I jacks my dick off cause yo' shit is kinda funky I jacks my dick off come correct I jacks my dick off and maybe we can have a little sex I jacks my dick off have a little sex I beat my meat on the regular base I get tired of havin these stupid rats in my face Tellin me wait or, "It's not time, plus I'm on the menustration" All of this is aggravate Where's Ms. Surprisingly enough, the movie does improve after the dick-cutting-off scene occurs. Yo, Obie never gets upset when a bitch say no I don't grab her neck and throw the hoe on the flo' I go home and bust nuts on Del Rio And be happy that I'm not around them jail people Fuck money, pussy is the root of evil Cause a bitch'll drop they drawers and still deceive you Have the cops believe YOU. I'll jacks my shit off. The warnings that this movie will be a bit of a chore arrive early. I'm Del Rio's biggest fan Janet Jacme wanted to do just that 'til she copped a attitude when I was like "Where the fuck is your glove at.
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